Sunday, December 23, 2007

Chapter 3: Emerson

[I'm finally finding time to post a chapter that I've been mulling through my head for some time now. Lets hope I can get it out somewhat coherent and decent, since I'm pressed for time.]

For the longest time now, my brother, Tom, has been debating if his current girlfriend, Allison, is the one. They'd been dating for almost a year and she was practically family at this point, so marriage was something that wasn't going to seem to big, at least to me. So when the news came that Tom had actually proposed and Allison had accepted, the shock of it all wore off fairly quickly. I smiled, gave him my congrats while my mom was still wiping tears of joy from her eyes.
"My only son! I can't believe you're going to be married!" She simpered, embracing her six foot tall son and being enveloped into his long and comforting arms. He laughed and shrugged bashfully.
"Yeah. I'd tell you all the gory details but I have a feeling that my siblings wouldn't appreciate that right now." He smiled and nudged me in the arm. I snorted and nudged him back.
"You got that right!" I was happy for Allison and Tom, but knowing the ins and outs of their relationship was not something I cared too much about. I sat down and began eating my breakfast, wondering what plans my mom was developing in her mind at this very moment. My brother was just about to serve himself up some pancakes when my mom put her hand on his shoulder and smiled sweetly. That smile was reserved for special moments, namely moments where the person whom she was asking the favor was most likely to say no but couldn't after seeing a smile like that. I stifled a laugh and wolfed down another bite.
"Honey, how are you going to tell everyone about your new engagement?" She asked, moving over to the sink and doing a few dishes. Tom shrugged and took a big bite out of a pancake.
"I dunno. Just tell them, I guess." I finished the pancake in his second bite and grabbed for another.
"Why don't you have a get together...or a party!" She exclaimed excitedly, grinning widely at her only son. "We could host it here, maybe at the park across the street and we could invite all of your friends and all of the family friends nearby and..."
"Mom!" Tom cut in, his pancake left untouched and abandon in his hand as he stared incredulously at his mother. I couldn't blame him. How had she concocted such an idea in a matter of minutes? I guess, once you become a mother, thats all you have time for. Mom looked slightly affronted as she turned around and faced Tom.
"What? I just want everyone to know the good news!" She continued cleaning dishes and Tom took another bite of pancake and shook his head.
"Fine, mom. Whatever you want. Just make sure that what Allison wants comes first." He patted his mom on the back and went to sit by me. We gave each other a significant look, knowing that mom would have a hard time letting someone else plan something that she wanted full responsibility for. He flicked the side of my head and, although from his marriage on he'd be embarking on a new chapter of his life, I knew that he would still be the same old Tom. That filled me with comfort.

The rest of the day was relatively normal except for the constant nagging from my mom to answer phones, anticipating RSVPs and calls of congratulations from relatives. The party was scheduled for next week, and the park was reserved all day. To me, this whole situation was a little much just for an engagement. But once my mom had an idea, she stuck to it.
When I finally saw Allison with her engagement ring, she was the happiest I had ever seen her. Her cheeks were scrunched in a permanent grin and she was always seen arm in arm with Tom, her engagement ring glittering in the light. Her opinion of the party was wisely stifled, but she didn't stop from whispering it to people who would listen.
"I've never even heard of an engagement party before." She whispered to me in her sweet southern drawl. I chuckled and rolled my eyes.
"Something my mom would definitely make up just to brag." Allison nodded and walked over to Tom and wrapped her arms around him. I sighed and just hope that the wedding wouldn't be as bad.
Before long, the day of the party was here and my mom, as usual, was barking orders and stressing out about an idea that she spouted herself. The weather couldn't be more perfect, and everything was going perfectly smooth. As anticipated, all the siblings were unenthusiastic and we all scoffed our mom for planning such a thing. Even Tom verbalized his feelings, but for the most part, he kept his mouth closed.
We all gathered to the park shelter and started to prepare the food for guests. Slowly the guests began to trickle in and gather around Tom to shake his hand and to hug Allison. Me and my sisters all sat a table by ourselves, cracking jokes and trying to make the situation better. Sure, we were happy for our brother, but this wasn't our moment. It was his, and our parents, neglecting us as usual, made sure we knew that. Yet still we sat and joked, avoiding small talk with those we didn't recognize.
Eventually I stood up to get myself something to eat and drink and found myself running into someone.
"Sorry, excuse me." I muttered, trying to maneuver my way around the person. I glanced at his face briefly and found that my breath caught in my chest briefly. I had run into a highly attractive guy who looked about my age and I had never seen him in my life. I secretly hoped that I wasn't related to him, like I'd see him again. I got my food and my thoughts were soon concerned with other things besides the mysterious guy I'd run into.
The sun began to set, and people were slowly leaving, and only a small crowd remained. To them, the party was still going on, but we couldn't continue in the dark. I was prepared to make them go home until I noticed the guy again. What was more disconcerting was that he was watching me. I blinked, and he was checking his watch. I shook my head slightly, and suddenly wished that he'd go away. What kind of guy would watch someone? Besides, if he really wanted to meet me, he'd talk to me, not stare at me. And in a heartbeat, the once attractive guy was stuck-up and spoiled. I pursed my lips and began cleaning up the food.
"For those of you that want to still celebrate, we'll have a small party at our house after we clean up!" My mother announced, no doubt wanting to get rid of the extra food and entertain some more, one of her favorite things to do. I noticed that the guy's interest was perked and that he, no doubt, was going to be one of those party-goers. He walked over to another guy who looked older than him. Probably an older sibling who knows Tom. Just like me, he was dragged along against his will. Another detail that I didn't fail to use against him. I snorted and joined my siblings in our exasperation.
Once back at the house, there were fourteen people, including seven of the ten Jackmans and Allison. We decided to play a few games and different activities. It was all fun, until we played "Honey, Do You Love Me?" We all sat in a circle in the basement, where we had the most room, and began playing. The game consisted of someone walking up to another person and asking "Honey, do you love me?" and the person would answer either yes or no. If they said yes, the people next to them had to stand up and try to switch places while trying to make sure that the person who asked didn't get their seat. The person who didn't get the seat had to go up to another person and ask the same question. If someone answered no, they had to say who they did love, like "I love everyone wearing brown shoes." And those people had to stand up and run around for a different seat while the asker searched for a seat themselves. It was all very chaotic and violent at times, but fun, nonetheless.
Except for the moment the guy was in the middle.
He stood up after a particularly rough round of all the guys running around and searching for a seat. The guy was beat out by my brother-in-law, Duncan, and was left to go in the middle. I was laughing and waiting for the next time I would be running when I felt him watching me again. "Oh great," I thought. "He's going for me..." I looked around as he made his way slowly to me, staring at me with his deep blue eyes. He stood in front of me for a split second, and then, suddenly, managed to sit on my lap.
Shocked and slightly embarassed, I stared at him incredulously, wondering what on earth what he was doing.
"Honey, do you love me?" He batted his eyes at me, and I began pushing him off. But he proved to be harder to get off than expected. But I was angry. He was intentionally poking fun at me, and I was not going to have it. When pushing failed, I stood up quickly with all the strength I had and glared at him on the floor.
"NO! Who could ever love you?!" Without thinking about what I said, I ran out of the room, and outside, trying to clear my head. I wasn't even sure what happened, all I knew was that I probably made a fool of myself. I ran my hand through my hair and took several deep breaths.
"Get a hold of yourself, Tor. He wasn't trying to make you mad. He's probably one of those class clown types that gets on everyones nerves..."
"I don't know about the nerves part, but I wasn't trying to make you mad."
His voice was quiet and tentative. My heart jumped, despite its softness. I didn't think he followed me. I whipped around to see the guy, his face screwed up in a grimace. Obviously, the stunt he pulled wasn't meant to get out of hand. I pursed my lips.
"Why'd you do it?" I asked.
"I dunno. Big groups make me freak out."
"Well, when that happens to me, I just stay as quiet as a mouse."
"Everyone is different."
"I can see that."
He grimaced even more, and for the first time this night, I felt a tad sorry for him. I sighed and made to go inside the house. I had just passed him when I heard him speak again.
I turned to look at him and placed my hands on my hips.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I cocked one eyebrow and stared at him. He only laughed.
"Thats my name, silly. Emerson." He smiled slightly, probably thinking the introduction of his name entitled him to a conversation with me. I hadn't decided yet if he had succeeded. He waited expectantly for my name, but I hesitated. Why give him my name? It wasn't as if I was ever going to see him. He's probably from out of town and in a few months time, he'd be the ghost of a memory. But then, why not give him my name? It wouldn't do him any harm. I decided on the latter, and took my hands off my hips.
"Victoria, but I hate being called that. Just call me Tori." Like you'll be able to once you've walked from this house. He stepped closer to me, testing the perimeters. When I didn't do anything to scold him, he took a few more steps until we were a decent width apart.
"I like that name. Its hardly ever used anymore."
"Oh, and Emerson is very common. A close second to Mark." I grinned and laughed, the awkwardness finally broken. I began to laugh and we looked at each other, finding within one another a kindred spirit. If only he lived next door.
Just then, The front door opened and closed, and we both, in unison, looked to see who was there. It was Tom. I smiled at him and waved. He just stared at the pair of us, his face hard to read.
"Hey Tom. Whats the matter?" I asked. I noticed that Emerson looked at me funnily. I glanced back. "Tom's my brother, Emerson. I'm not a stranger to this house." I laughed, but stopped when I saw him step away. "What is it?"
"Tori, what are you doing out here with him?" Tom walked swiftly towards me, and stood protectively between me and Emerson. My face contorted confusedly as I looked from Tom to Emerson, who was peaking at me from behind Tom, his face almost identical to Tom's.
"Whats wrong with being out here with Emerson?"
"Wait...this is your sister?" Emerson asked Tom, who didn't bother to turn around.
"Yeah. My younger sister." I glared at Tom. Why was this an issue? Emerson had to be my age...right?
Emerson backed away at the word younger and turned around so I couldn't see his face. By the looks of it, he was rubbing his temples with one hand. I looked at Tom, who was backing me inside.
"Tom, whats going on? Whats wrong?" I kept on asking, I stared out at Emerson, willing him to tell me. How is it the perfect guy for me is being guarded from me? By my older brother?! I was slowly becoming angry. Tom had no right to do this. When we were both inside, he looked outside the door. The sound of an engine revving and a car driving away was satisfying enough. He closed the door and locked it. The he turned to look at me.
"Tori, what were you doing?"
"Just getting some air!"
"Whats going on between you and Emerson?"
"Nothing! He just sat on me, I ran off and he followed. That was all the contact we've had all night. Don't get paranoid. Besides, whats it matter to you who I'm dating and such."
"I know you're not dating him."
"How? I don't tell you the inner workings of my mind."
At this point, I had to be winning. I just pulled the you-don't-know-me card. That was always a grand slam. But then the whammy came.
"I know that you aren't dating him because, for one, he just moved here last week, and second, he hasn't met anyone in the family except for me, and thirdly, he's a twenty-year-old student who wouldn't be interested in the likes of you. But now, I'm not too sure about that last thing..."
Tom trailed off and shook his head. I just stared at him, dumbfounded. Twenty? College student? He looked too young! I knew he was just too perfect, and I knew myself better than to think I'd start crushing on a guy my age. That never happened. I sighed and slumped off to my room.
Emerson, the twenty year old college student. "I hope I never see him again!" I said to myself. But secretly, I did.

[well, thats the first part. But I'm thinking of splitting Chapter 3 into two chapters. But hope you enjoy. Ta!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Minor changes

Small minor changes that are currently planned:
-There will be only one death.
-Emerson leaves for a while
-Epilogue will be a few years after the event, not a few months.
-Life lesson is completely different, but it still involves relationships and acceptance, just a complete 180 than what I originally had going.
-Celeste's role is quite bigger. I wasn't planning for her to have a major role, but she'll play the part of the unintentional mentor and guiding rope for Tori.
-The title is going to be different. I was trying to make "Colt 45" work, but its not going to so much anymore...hmmm. Now I have to think of something else.
-Certain details about Nathaniel will be changed, especially at the end. I originally had him dying, but he's not anymore. He'll live! :]
-Kaylee and Joseph's relationship is going to change, well, at least what happens to them at the end will change.

I can't think of anything else thats going to be different in a minor way. Anyways, stay tuned, as I will be posting Chapter 3 relatively soon.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Alteration of Chapter 1

[the changes are all made for the new idea/conflict. They're subtle, but distinct to the plotline.]

I felt like a rock. Not in a physical sense. I was more fragile than a snowflake when it came to my physical being. I was an emotional rock, a robot programmed not to frown, cry, furrow my brow in grief…nothing. It wasn’t because I didn’t feel emotions. On the contrary. I was feeling thousands of emotions at that moment. Shock, pain, grief, confusion, and above all amazement. I was amazed at how short life can be. I was amazed at how much my life was out of control at this very moment. But mostly, I was amazed at the girl sitting next to me, the expression on her face the exact same as the night she informed me of Olive’s death. It was smooth and blank, her eyes glazed over and her mouth in a perfect line. At this point, I felt that if she could keep this calm façade, that I could too.
So there I sat, determined, with Kaylee to my left and my sister, Gwen, to my right. Gwen didn’t even need to be there. She hardly knew the girl, but she knew how hard this would be for me. Gwen was my rock when I failed to be one myself. I snuck a glance at my rock and there she was, tears rolling down her rosy cheeks. For a brief moment, I was jealous of how openly she expressed her feelings. But then I looked to my left and found Kaylee staring straight ahead of me at the shiny, mahogany coffin, face white and hard, almost like marble. This was even more heart-wrenching than seeing her cry, because crying meant that emotion was actually registering in her brain. This face was a face that told me clearly that nothing was connecting. Everything was as jumbled and panicked as the day of the incident.
Slowly and tentatively, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently, trying to let her know that everything was going to be okay. I looked at her face. Still nothing. This continued until the end of the service, when we were allowed to leave. I signaled to Gwen that she could leave and that I had everything under control. But everything wasn’t under control. I was on the verge of uncontrollable tears. On top of our patchy friendship, I kept on thinking "what if this was Kaylee’s funeral? Or Celeste’s?" I didn’t want to think about it. Olive was a friend. But she wasn’t so much apart of my life like Kaylee was, well, at least used to be. She used to be my better half, and seeing her in this state was almost worse than if it was her own funeral. At least then I would know she was in a better place. The face she sported now was completely void, and probably had little to do with Olive's funeral.
Like everything so far in our High School life, I was pretty sure this face was all thanks to him.
Kaylee eventually stood up and I followed suit. I watched her carefully and tailed her as she made her way to the coffin. She put one hand on top of it, and closed her eyes. I was far enough away that I couldn’t tell if she let a tear escape her eyelids. If she did, she was very good at hiding it, because as soon as she came close enough for me to see, her face was as perfectly dry and smooth as before. Something in the pit of my stomach knotted at the thought that she was perfectly calm. Why is it the person who wasn’t actually present during Olive's death trying so hard not to cry while the witness remains as expressionless as a statue? I shook it off, using the state of shock as an excuse for her lack of emotion once again.
“Want me to drive you home?” I didn’t know if she was capable of driving. But she shook her head, and looked at me.
“No. I think I can handle it…”
I began to walk away, hoping to hear any word of gratitude...but nothing.
I left, though, not thinking anything of it. Our friendship was a little patchy nowadays. Wripped at the seams one too many times, the repair job was bound to be questionable. But at least I had tried to sew it back up.
I drove home from the cemetery, pondering all that had happened in a few short weeks. She had died, he was comatose, and my used-to-be-best friend was a mindless robot, doing the bare minimum to survive. How can everything go spiraling out of control in a matter of days?
I parked, facing the hospital. The clouds to the south were beginning to roll in, creating the perfect mood for what I was feeling. I wasn’t sure when I began crying. It was probably sometime between the moment I almost got into a wreck at an intersection and the time I realized that I could’ve died at that particular moment. But I wasn’t entirely sure. Everything was a blur to me. I was beginning to doubt that I actually attended a funeral. Why was I a puddle of emotion while my best friend was cooler than an autumn day? I began to loathe my lack of self-control and tried to compose myself before I entered the building in front of me.
Hospitals were the pinnacle of depression. I have never had a good experience at a hospital. Today wasn’t going to be any different. It would be if the reason I was going there was to retrieve a recently-cured relative or friend. But this particular person wasn’t in there to be cured. In fact, there have been speculations as to whether he was going to survive or not. This thought did not help my mood at all. I suppressed a sob, and began wiping frantically at my eyes. He wouldn’t want to see me in this state. It would make the situation worse. That is, if he could see me.
A few minutes later, my face was relatively normal looking, no odd puffing of the eyes or flushed cheeks. My eyes were slightly bloodshot from all the tears, but there was a huge chance that he wouldn’t be conscious today. If he would be conscious. Ever. I slowly opened the door of my car, and stepped out. My feet fell one after the other in front of me, carrying me toward the entrance, through the door, and to the main desk. The nice secretary behind the counter pointed me in the right direction of his room, and I walked there, my head spinning.
His room was dark and quiet. Nothing stirred except the monitors that sat next to his bed. I looked at them for a minute, trying to understand what they said about his status. From what I saw, it didn’t look good, but what did I know? They could actually mean that he was close to recovering and that it would be a few days before he was released. Yes. That was it. He was going to be better. No more negative thoughts. He was going to live and he was going to be his happy self again. Death was out of the question. Or was it? I moved to the side of his bed and looked straight down into his face. Unscathed, it looked as if he were sleeping. Not suffering from intense pain, not battling for life. Just sleeping, anticipating the moment he would wake and get on with life. My brow furrowed in an attempt to stem the tears. Who was I kidding? Why was I trying to think so optimistically when it was clear that after suffering afflictions like that, only a few people could survive? I was only setting myself up for more grief.
I reached down and put my hand on the top of his head, willing him to wake. My eyes closed. I couldn’t stand looking at him anymore. It was more than I could bear. Then, all of a sudden, I began to realize the focal point of Kaylee’s grief, if that’s what you called that emotion spread across her face. It wasn’t the funeral we attended, it wasn’t the fact that she could be dead too. It was the broken body that lay on this hospital bed, awaiting death’s verdict. It was this boy, for he was only just a boy that could have his life taken away from him quicker than the speed of light.
My hand quickly withdrew from his head and I stared at him, not sure if I was more astonished at my realization or angry. This changed everything. It was this boy that could change the state of mine and Kaylee's friendship in a heartbeat. If he survived, the remnants of mine and Kaylee's friendship would disappear. If he died, I still had a chance at keeping the friendship I worked so hard to preserve. But why was I thinking this? Why was I hoping for the death of my friend? My hand tingled where it was touching his hair, his skin, his body. Suddenly, the room was too small, and I needed to get out of there. I bolted from the room as soon as I could, and made it to my car in record time. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I felt like screaming and keeping my mouth shut at the exact same time, and my body was itching to run yet stay put.
What happened to being normal?

[thanks for reading.

Where did the Music go?

Its down at the bottom of the page. Tell me when you want a change in music, and I'll be happy to change it. :]


New Developments

I've been contemplating a way to change the main conflict and story to better fit a central mood and theme, and I think I was able to center on a good one. My original idea just wasn't working, so I had to boot it and create a completely new idea. The main event is still scheduled to be written, so its nothing too drastic, just a shift in thinking and the overall outcome.

I will begin editing a few things here and there and posting new additions to the story, and watch as the new idea unfolds. Its bittersweet, I'll warn you. Nothing extremely happy is to come out of the ending. Especially for a few characters.

As of right now, I want you, the readers, to decide what you want to read. Do you want the chronological kind of stuff or do you want random things here and there? Because if you want chapter 3, I'll give you chapter 3. If you don't, then I won't bother with it right now.

Have a good Thursday night.


Sunday, November 25, 2007


Random writing. Check it out:

It wasn't until the next morning that the whole magnitude of what had happened between me and Kaylee finally hit me. So far, it had seemed like a really bad nightmare that I was waiting anxiously to wake up from. Of course, that never happened, and I only woke up from my temporary reality and entered into a reality that I wasn't ready to accept. It wasn't as if it was the end of the world. Just the destruction of a particularly important part of my world. The overall planet wasn't gone, but the continent of Europe was all but destroyed completely. This couldn't be happening.
And it was almost as if nothing was happening. The day was practically normal, except that she wasn't talking to me. I didn't blame her. I basically called her out on every single thing that perturbed me about her, including the ever so touchy subject of her relationship status. But I was fed up with being hurt constantly. I hated the feeling of being taken for granted and used. So I wasn't going to stand for it.
The day was a complete blur, filled with absolutely nothing to keep my mind off of things. I wanted to get out. After school, I ran to my car, got inside and drove to the park across the street from my house. I got out and ran to the lake and stood there, glaring out at it, trying to keep back the tears that fought ruthlessly to get out. Why was I fighting my feelings? No one was out there. I could scream if I wanted to. That sounded like a great idea. I opened my mouth, preparing to scream when I hear quiet footsteps approaching me. I really hoped it wasn't her. I didn't want to deal with her. I refrained from turning around, hoping it was some harmless passerby. But the footsteps stopped a few feet behind me. Again, I refrained from facing the person. I knew that a few tears had spilled down on my cheeks and I wanted the person to reveal who they were so that I could know if I had to wipe them clean or not.
"Hey, Tor..." It was the only voice that I knew could cheer me up. I quickly wiped my face and turned around to see Emerson, smiling sheepishly at me. I think he knew that I had been crying and felt embarrassed for finding me in such a state. But I didn't care. He was walking closer to me and there was no room for embarrassment. Thats all that I needed. More awkwardness. I gave a small wave and proceeded to wrap my arms tighter around my body, trying to control my emotions, that were encouraging me to fling myself at his strong body. He was strong, I was weak. Oh so weak. But I kept standing and turned around, watching Emerson through my peripheral. He stood next to me and looked out at the grey lake reflecting the sky above.
"I told her everything, Emerson." I said quietly, though I knew he could hear. I didn't look to see the expression on his face. I knew it was shocked. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn his head and move closer towards me. There was only a foot between our arms and I prayed that he'd stay put. I didn't want to seem even more weak, and I knew that if he dared come closer, I'd collapse. I sighed, and closed my eyes.
"What? What do you mean, everything? You didn't tell her--"
I cut him off. "When I say everything, I mean everything, Em." My voice was short, perturbed. I didn't want to relay everything I said. Not now. He knew the gist of it, and the gist was enough to get a reaction.
"Why? Tori, she's your best friend. You don't just say those kinds of things to your best friend." He argued, taking the tiniest of steps toward me. But I didn't care how close he was. I turned to face him, my eyes burning with anger.
"How would you feel if some guy decided to wedge their way between you and your best friend, huh? And your friend just goes and lets it happen just because she's head over heels for him? Suddenly, you're second at everything. No, third. She has a family and school. Those come second. You don't get anymore phone calls, hardly ever talk anymore, and hear of their adventures together. Do you think you could just keep it inside and let if fester until you explode?!" I took a shuddering breath and let it out in a large fog of steam. I looked and felt like a large teapot on the stove top. "No. I had to let it out. I had to let her know because I needed to know if she really valued our friendship." The word came out choked. Today, she really displayed how much she valued it. She could live without it while I had to deal with a large hole that had just been cut out of me.
"Tori..." Emerson whispered, and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't care anymore. He didn't care anymore. Everything was put aside. He saw his friend suffering and needed to comfort her. I would forever be grateful for the moment we were creating. I took advantage of our sudden carelessness and clung to him for dear life. A single tear squeezed its way out and onto his warm jacket, making the smallest of wet spots. He stroked my hair gently and tried to find something to say. I could tell by the small noises that emitted from his mouth and his frantic searching for words. At times, I wished he would say something, but for the most part, I was thankful for his silence. I didn't know if he was going to comfort me, argue with me, talk about something completely different, but words were not to be apart of that moment. It was entirely spiritual, nothing physical and tangible about it. It was two kindred spirits that had finally found each other and learned to cope with what they had.
After what felt like hours, we broke apart, and I stared into his sympathetic eyes. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets guiltily, as if he had just done something he shouldn't have. That was only partly true. "Now what?" I didn't know what context he meant that in. Was it our random bout of throwing the rule book out the window, or was it the situation I had managed to get myself into. I chose the latter, saving myself a very awkward conversation.
"Well...I wait. I made my move, now she needs to make hers. I am not going to let her wait it out, and hope it goes away. She needs to figure it out for herself." I stuffed my hands into my coat pockets and looked out at the lake again. Everything was still glumly grey.
"And if she doesn't?" He coaxed, moving to stand directly next to me, not bothering to keep our arms from brushing.
"Life goes on."

So. Thats it. It's not extremely good, and its completely cliche, but I needed to get it off my chest.

OFF HIATUS...I think????

So, I have more time now to write...but trouble is...I have no ideas. My mind is shot. All creativity out the window. The only things that I can manage to type onto this screen are scattered, cluttered, and completely off the track that I wanted to be going on. My focus is diminishing, and I'm terrified that all my hard planning and work is going to be all for nothing. Plus, crises in my life haven't been helping my situation. So just bear with me as I write things here and there, not really having any chronological order.

I will be having much much MUCH more of Emerson and Tori. So don't be surprised as this story evolves into something more Tori/Emerson-y. But thats all I can really think of at the moment.

If you want another approach to a story, check out my not-so-recent-anymore blog:

This will contain ideas here and there that I have. None of them will be extremely long, seeing as I don't have all the time in the world. But check it out. Humor me.

Again, thank you for being a good support for me and my ambitions. Its very much appreciated. I feel good knowing I have a wonderful support team right behind me. Just be patient as I get through these next 3-4 weeks of semester. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Special shout-out to Tamara: Thank you so much for being exactly what I needed during this extremely rough time. You created enough of a distraction during the beginning of the month that I was able to realize that there is more to life than high school. You guided me single-handedly(well, except for my family) through that particularly hard time and still have fun times and laughs to spare. And thank you for sharing your time that would be spent on the RIHLA with me. You'll do fine on it. Don't fret. :) Please don't let this year's experience get you down, and I'll help you in whatever you need. Oh, and thanks for eating those cookies yesterday. I'll be sure to give your mom the recipe. She'd better not blame me for ruining her diet ;).

Much love,

Saturday, November 3, 2007

HIATUS until Further notice

I'm currently pausing any progression in this story. Not sure when it'll be put up again. I'm currently in the process of writing 3 other stories, including a short story for the Hickman Review, and I've been neglecting them. So until I get a few things sorted out and a few big changes in the story worked out, there will not be any big changes or any forms of progress in Colt 45.

Thank you for reading.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Part II of Chapter 2

[alright, well here it is, after a long anticipation for it. It still needs work, but enjoy!]

My car sputtered with undeniable exhaustion as I pulled up into Kaylee’s slightly stooped driveway. Her driveway was nothing compared to ours, but the exertion was too much for my mildly old car. It rolled to a stop and I put the emergency brake on, a safety caution I exercise in every motor circumstance I find myself in. I turned off the car, and made my way up the familiar path to Kaylee’s front door. My hand was just about to hit the door when it opened to reveal a smaller, tanner, and younger version of Kaylee.
“Hey Tori!” Ruth, Kaylee’s younger and only sister, embraced me, and I stiffened. I never knew what was going on in Ruth’s mind, but I knew it was nothing good. I glared down at her, and she stared up at me, putting on a fake innocent smile.
“What do you want from me, Ruth?” I ask, exasperated. I already knew what she wanted. Fortunately, Kaylee came down the hall and was answering Ruth’s pleading looks with a harsh tone.
“No, Ruth. Watch a movie here.” Without even looking at her sister, Kaylee walked past her and smiled at me. I chuckled. Kaylee and Ruth’s relationship was always an entertaining one.
“But its not the same watching a movie at home,” Ruth complained, slumping on one of the sofas in the entertainment room that lay before my eyes. Their big screen TV was quite large and the personal setting was much more comfortable than the upright and mildly uncomfortable chairs at the theatre. If anything, it was probably not the same in a numerous amount of good reasons than bad. I went over to Ruth and patted her head.
“Deal with it, Gelfling.” Ruth shoved my hand away. She hated it when I called her that. I laughed silently with Kaylee, and we made for the door. “Bye, Ruth!” I shout behind me.
“Tell mom that I’m out, ‘kay?” Kaylee asks of Ruth, who merely nods, and pouts as we leave. Once the door was closed, we walked fast for the car, hoping that Ruth wouldn’t try to sneak along with us. I pulled out of Kaylee’s driveway and we enjoyed our freedom.
Half an hour later, we were outside a sub shop, eating sandwiches and debating what movie to go and see.
“I heard that ___ was a really good one. Got great reviews,” I said between swallows. I wiped my mouth and waited for Kaylee’s response.
“Yeah, me too. But I’m not in the mood for an action. I want to see that romantic comedy ___,” I nodded. I was also interested in that. I sighed. Usually when I went to the movies, it was more than one person. At the moment, it was just me and Kaylee. Our friend, Jessica, backed out because of other commitments. And it was impossible to get her out of her house, the hermit. Kaylee already called Joseph, and he wasn’t sure. He was supposed to get back to her. Currently, we weren’t counting on him. So it was just me and Kaylee.
“I don’t care what we see. Just as long as I’m not cooped up in my house for the rest of the summer,” I muttered. This was my day off from work and I didn’t want to be the typical bum I was. Plus, there were a lot of good movies to see.
But I spoke too quickly.
At that moment, Kaylee jumped and put her hand against her chest. My brow furrowed in confusion. I wasn’t completely lost for very long. Comprehension dawned on my face as Kaylee pulled out her cell phone from her pocket. She took once glance, and she crinkled her nose. I didn’t need her to tell me who it was. I could tell already. She flipped the phone open and put on a falsely cheerful voice.
“Hey Joseph!” I stuffed my face full of my sandwich to keep my laugh from coming out. It wasn’t very successful. I projectile-sputtered a ton of lettuce from my mouthful of sub. Kaylee chuckled a bit, but I assumed it was from the joke that Joseph was undoubtedly telling. I swallowed the bite of sandwich and waited for the purpose of his call. I hoped, in vain, that it wasn’t to confirm he was going to the movies. I didn’t want to seem like a third wheel.
“Yeah, we’re still going to the movies,” Kaylee said. I groaned. Great. Third-wheel time. I sat back moodily and ate drank my soda.
“Its just me and Tori going right now,” I hear Kaylee say. I could tell she felt slightly embarrassed. Kaylee’s popularity in comparison to Joseph’s was a little bit of a touchy subject with her. Kaylee was fine with her tight-nit group of friends, but Joseph was keen on introducing her to every single person on the planet and insisting she hang out with them. This was one of Kaylee’s biggest pet peeves.
Joseph continued to talk for a long time, and Kaylee’s expression was blank. Obviously she didn’t really care for what he was talking about. A few minutes passed and they had a normal conversation. But as Joseph was speaking, either something stung Kaylee in the arm or something Joseph said startled her. Her eyes grew slightly panicked and she stared at me.
“What?!” I mouthed. My sandwich lay abandoned. Joseph must’ve really hit a nerve. Kaylee was freaking out.
She didn’t respond though. She sat there, frozen. The drone coming from the phone stopped, and Kaylee still hadn’t said anything in response to Joseph’s comment. Her voice cracked as she tried to speak, and she cleared her throat.
“Y-yeah. Sure. That’s fine…you could’ve at least gave me a warning.” She said, trying to sound off-hand. I knew better. She was in panic-mode.
“Alright, see you at the theatre. Yeah…love you too. Bye.” She hung up. I sat there, literally not breathing, and staring straight at Kaylee. She looked down at her phone.
“Joseph took it upon himself to make out outing a date. A double date.” She bit her lip. My eyes grew a little wide.
“So…who’s my date?” I asked, not sure if I really wanted to know.
She sighed. “Nathaniel.”
My mind went blank. Nathaniel? Why Nathaniel? Of all the people Joseph could’ve chosen, he chose Nathaniel! Of course, I wasn’t expecting him to know that Kaylee still carried a torch for Nathaniel, even after dating him for months, but he couldn’t be that oblivious! I guess I should count my blessings, and be glad that Joseph didn’t choose someone more questionable. Me and Nathaniel were friends, and I had nothing to object about him. It was the fact that Kaylee still liked Nathaniel that bothered me the most. I looked at her face and noted her pursed lips and annoyed eyes. Annoyed. That’s what she was feeling. Not angry with me, or sad that Nathaniel was paired up with another girl. It was just annoyed at the situation. Well, that was better than the former options. But there was still the fact that I was going to feel like a third wheel, and now Benedict Arnold on top of that. All I managed to do was sigh.
“Well, this should be fun,” I heard Kaylee mutter, her voice thick with sarcasm. She stuffed her phone into her purse and crossed her legs. I tried to hide my wince within a smile, though I wasn’t entirely sure I was successful. We were silent for a few minutes while we finished our food. I finished first, and waited for Kaylee to hurry and eat. Her progress was slow, as if she were trying to slow down time. The silence was stifling. I wanted to tell Kaylee that this wasn’t my fault, but I had a feeling that she already knew that, though it didn’t make the situation any easier. I thought of something to break the awkward silence.
“What movie are we seeing, then?” I asked, trying to be offhand. I hoped, internally, that we weren’t going to see the romantic comedy. That would make everything worse. It was awkward enough. Kaylee finally threw away her trash and finished her drink before responding.
“We’re seeing (the latest horror movie____),” she rolled her eyes and stood up. I followed suit and rummaged around my purse for my keys. At least it was better than the romantic comedy. I just wasn’t a big fan of scary movies. I always got way too scared and wussy. I retrieved my cell phone and looked at the time.
“What time is the movie at?” I asked Kaylee, not looking up from the phone. The awkwardness that I was only beginning to feel suddenly grew twice its size. I was beginning to comprehend the major intrusion I was going to be making on both Kaylee and Joseph and Kaylee and Nathaniel. Her infatuation was deep, and it was going to be hard to avoid. At that moment, I wanted to disappear.
“Its in twenty minutes, and he’s meeting us there in about ten minutes, so we’d better leave,” We headed to my car and got inside, not saying a word to each other after that. I didn’t know if Kaylee wanted me to speak, so I just kept my mouth shut the entire ride there. After the tedious ride to the theatre, we existed the car and made our way down to the theatre. It didn’t take long for me to spot the pair of them: Joseph’s red hair was brilliant against Nathaniel’s pale blond. Kaylee sped up, walking a full two feet in front of me, and ran into Joseph’s arms. My eyes squinted in a confused frown. This kind of behavior was very uncharacteristic of Kaylee. I shrugged it off, though, hoping that maybe she was beginning to get over Nathaniel. That hope was crushed the moment I approached Nathaniel and we grinned at each other, knowing what the other was thinking: Kaylee must be on drugs. But, unfortunately, I saw Kaylee’s eyes flash on our direction, and then saw them narrow slightly. She obviously misunderstood the exchange of smiles.
“So, you all ready?” Joseph said in his soothing voice. I didn’t understand why Kaylee didn’t like Joseph as much as one should. I even found myself unconsciously attracted to him. Not in any romantic way. His personality was a bit much for my taste. We all nodded, and me and Kaylee took the tickets that our dates bought for us. A twinge of guilt panged in my stomach, but I saw that Nathaniel was trying hard not to laugh. He obviously found this whole situation hilarious.
Joseph took Kaylee’s hand and started walking inside. Nathaniel, who felt that mocking this whole thing was the only way to get through it, held out his arm, and I took it, feeling that his approach was how I was going to survive tonight. We were going to be overly dramatic about it. We all sat down in the theatre, with the guys on the outside of me and Kaylee, and waited patiently for the movie to start.
I leaned in to speak to Nathaniel. “So, how did you get roped into this little shindig?” A smile spread across my face as I watched Nathaniel roll his eyes.
“I’m not entirely sure. All I can say is that Joseph is a very persuasive guy…” He nodded slowly, and laughed slightly. if I ever was a bad judge of character, I could feel secure knowing that no matter what, I was right in thinking that Nathaniel was always dependable to have a light heart and comical approach to life. I wasn’t sure what he was feeling on the inside, but on the outside, he was quite smooth and calm. I was envious.
We continued to chat, ignoring Joseph and Kaylee’s small affectionate touches and whispered words. Though I turned a deaf ear to them, I was positive that Kaylee was feeling more and more awkward by the minute. At least Nathaniel didn’t seem too bothered by it.
The movie started, and immediately, Kaylee’s eyes turned to watch Nathaniel. She was probably concerned that he wasn’t enjoying himself, or worse, that he had found an interest in me. I couldn’t reassure her about Nathaniel, because Joseph was alarmingly close to Kaylee. So I had to sit there, drowning in my own awkwardness, for an hour and a half, wishing each second everything was over.
The moment the credits began to roll, I stood up and made to leave. But Nathaniel stood up at the same time I was trying to move, and I ended up sitting in his lap. We were both laughing and began blushing at each other’s clumsiness. I stood up and saw two completely different faces: There was Joseph’s, who was laughing along with us, and then Kaylee’s, who was trying hard not to look like that severely bothered her. I just blushed more furiously and walked out of the theatre, behind Nathaniel.
“So, that movie was a dud,” Joseph stated bluntly once we were outside of the theatre. The summer evening breeze felt nice against my hot face. I still felt embarrassed and stupid that I had let myself get into this situation. Thank goodness it was nearly over. I heard everyone mutter in agreement. Personally, I hadn’t even paid attention to the movie. I was making sure that Nathaniel didn’t look like he was paying more attention to me than the movie. He was speaking to me a lot, but we usually were on speaking terms. He didn’t know that I absolutely didn’t want him to speak to me. He didn’t know that this date was going to be the make of break of mine and Kaylee’s friendship.
“Well, its getting late, and I should probably be heading home,” I said, pushing my purse higher up on my shoulder. “Kaylee…” I began saying, but my eyes couldn’t distinguish Kaylee’s form, as it was tightly embraced and glued by the lips to Joseph’s body. This was the second time that I had seen Kaylee act like this. The first time was when she agreed to be in a relationship with Joseph, and funny enough, Nathaniel was there as well. I definitely knew that Kaylee wouldn’t do this on a regular basis, but was doing it to see Nathaniel’s reaction. His face mimicked what I was feeling. I laughed, and pulled him aside.
“You’d better not look so shocked. It might encourage them,” I rolled my eyes and poked his shoulder. He shook his head and chuckled.
“Kaylee sure is acting weird tonight,” He remarked giving me quizzical look, inquiring of me if she tended to act like this around Joseph. Truth was, she usually was apathetic to his existence most of the time, unless Joseph was being particularly pushy for her attention. I knew that the major factor of her behavior was the person standing in front of me, urging me to tell him something I wasn’t allowed to.
“Yeah, she is. This is the second time I seen her make out with him like that,” I scrunched up my nose. Seeing Kaylee like this wasn’t something I wanted to see on a daily basis. It was very uncharacteristic of her.
Nathaniel nodded in agreement, and we just stood there, waiting for them to say their goodbyes. As the minutes dragged by, Nathaniel and I spoke about the anticipated school year and about what we had done during the summer. Apparently him and Kaylee had done a lot during the summer, which perplexed me. She had nothing to complain about! Why was she acting so jealous tonight when she had plenty of time to see him already? I tisked quietly and watched Kaylee half-heartedly hug Joseph and wave to him.
“Looks like they’ve finally finished,” Nathaniel said, following my lead as we made our way to a relieved-looking Kaylee.
“Need a ride home?” I asked, smiling at her. She probably had a ton she wanted to tell me, so I was relieving her of using all those minutes on her phone plan and just talking to me face to face. But she shook her head.
“Joseph is getting the car and taking me home,” She mumbled, trying hard not to show her displeasure, because Nathaniel was still there and oblivious to her lack of enthusiasm in her current marital status. I shrugged, and hugged Kaylee.
“Well, I’ll see you around,” I said, and patted her on the shoulder.
“Yeah, see ya,” Nathaniel said, and he followed me as I walked away. I laughed slightly, wondering what Kaylee was thinking about Nathaniel’s following me. He eventually caught up with me and walked as far as he could without being completely out of the way of his car. We hugged briefly, and parted ways.
As I drove home, I remarked on the experience I just had. And I promised myself I would never ever let myself get into that situation again.

[well, now I can start chapter 3, which proves to be a little more exciting! We finally get to meet Emerson, but the meeting is going to be slightly different than what I originally planned. Thanks for being patient and for reading. I really appreciate it.]

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

First Part of Chapter 2 (unedited and incomplete)

Here is the much anticipated chapter 2...or half. I'm at a loss of what to include in the second half. But mull over this for a while. I have to satisfy my hungry fans somehow.

Chapter 2

I was very conscious of my body at that precise moment. This was it. My eyes were focused, intent, unwavering while my body was intense, tight, ready to spring. Sweat rolled off my neck and arms, creating tiny sensations all across my body, but this didn’t distract me. It was me and my target that lay across from me. I was poised and positioned.

She tossed the ball in the air. My eyes followed. Her racket swung up and over, my eyes slowing the movement down, so that it all looked like a graceful dance move. I knew the ball was going to be in even before it crossed the net. My body straightened slightly, turned and my arm curved back as I got ready to return cross-court. Once the ball ricocheted out of the service box, my mind brought everything back into normal time. My racket swung and brushed the ball back over the next, deep and cross court. That hit alone was too much for the other team. They swing and miss, and immediately my body relaxes. I grin at my doubles partner, who is giving me a thumbs up and is walking toward me. We congratulate each other and head to coach to tell him our score. If I’m not mistaken, me and my doubles partner, Lisa, have just won our spot into Varsity.

We see that the other team is a little distraught, as they are seniors and want to spend their last year of high school tennis on the varsity squad. Naturally, I would feel a little bit of sympathy, but I had just earned my spot on the varsity team, so I wasn’t very inclined to feel sorry for them. Me and Lisa walked to coach with a spring in our step, our tennis bags slung over our worn backs and our water bottles in our hands, and huge grins on our faces. He looks at us and gives us a satisfied look.

“What was the score, ladies?”

“8-2,” I respond. I look at Lisa and she smiles. After a week of being paired with her in doubles, we had already begun to be an unstoppable power force. Coach’s voice lowered as he noticed Tracey and Samantha, our opponents, walk toward us.

“Well, to be honest, I was expecting a score like that. Good job, girls! You’ve really shown all you got. Go ahead and call it a day and sleep well. You’re in varsity now.” He smiled, and patted our backs. Lisa and I only nodded and headed toward the bleachers where the rest of our gear rested. Lauren, a fellow tennis player and member of the Country Club team, was sitting next to my keys and towel. I gathered them, and noticed her looking at her schedule for the new school year. Ugh, school. I didn’t want to think about that. I had gotten my schedule earlier today, just like she did, and it was a reminder that the summer was almost over. It seemed like summer had just begun, and now it was ending. She looked up, and smiled at me.

“Hey, Tori. How’d you do?”

“Won, 8-2. They’re still upset.” I look over at Tracey, who looked like she had just had a good cry about it. Tracey tended to get upset easily in tennis. Samantha looked like she’d eaten something sour. I sighed. I hated being the one to cause contention, but if they were going to be bitter about it, that was their problem. Lauren was looking too, and she merely shrugged.

“Its not your fault you’re better. At least you made it quick.” I nodded and sat next to her, glancing at her schedule.

“So, what classes do you have?” She asked. I furrowed my brow in concentration and managed to see my schedule in my mind. I named the classes off as they appeared on the image ingrained in my memory.

“Orchestra, AP US History and English Block, Integrated Math 4 Honors, French 2 Advanced, Sociology, and Musical Productions 2,” I recited, grinning at my amazing memory. “What about you?” Lauren handed me her schedule, and I looked it over. We had no classes together, though we were both enrolled in the challenging AP block class. Hers was the 4/5 hour block and mine was the 2/3 block. I sighed, and shook my head.

“No classes together?” She asked. I nodded and gave her schedule back. I gathered my things, and turned to leave.

“Hey, don’t get too big headed now that you’re in varsity!” Lauren shouted at my retreating back. I laughed and waved at her.

As I drove home, cranking my window down since my AC was non-existent, I reminisced about the day. I had done all the things necessary to start the school year this morning, such as getting my schedule, signing up for clubs, taking pictures, and all that stuff. A depression had settled in my mind as I did it, knowing that in a matter of weeks school would be back in session and I’d be bogged down by the usual homework load the teachers liked to send us students home with. From the ultimate low, I went to the ultimate high, playing some of the best tennis I’ve played for the whole summer. Me and Lisa were queens of the court and finally succeeded in achieving our goal of making varsity. It had been a very moody day.

And to top it off, tonight I was going to Nauvoo, Illinois with my friend Celeste and her family. I looked at the time, and saw that I only had an hour and a half to get ready. I began speeding down the road, knowing that it would take me at least an hour to look decent.

Once I got home, my mom had left a note on the counter, and it said:

Off running errands. Make sure you pop in the casserole before you leave.

Love ya, Mom.

I smiled at her little message and checked the fridge for the casserole. I took out the pan and looked inside. It was tuna-noodle casserole. My nose wrinkled slightly. I was definitely not in the mood for that. Thank goodness I would be out of town for it. I set it next to her note, and went to my room to get ready to take a shower.

An hour and a half later, I was in front of Celeste’s house, making sure I had everything. My bag, a book to keep me entertained, my wallet, keys, jacket…yep. Everything was there. No, everything was not there. My cell phone. I checked my things again, and thankfully it was only dropped onto the floor of my car. I looked at it and noticed that someone had called. I opened the phone and checked to see who it was. It was Kaylee. Of course. I closed the phone again, and stuffed it into my bag. I would call her back later. She’d understand.

As I walked up to the house, I began to feel at peace again, knowing that although it was the last days of summer, I wouldn’t be wasting them. I rang the doorbell and, a few seconds later, was greeted by an enthusiastic Celeste.

“Hey Tori!” She grinned widely and we hugged.

“Hey Celeste! Sorry I’m a little late. Time was never on my side,” I grinned back and walked on in, petting their small dog, Mia, who was just as enthusiastic as Celeste at my being there.

“Its alright. We’re just about ready to go. Norah is taking a while to get her things together,” She rolled her eyes slightly. Norah was the youngest of her sisters, and definitely the one most excited about this little trip. I shrugged, and we walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. “So, did you get your schedule?” Celeste asked, smiling slightly. I don’t think I have ever seen Celeste without a smile on her face. Smiling seemed to be the expression she always fell back on, or she was always happy. I assumed it was the former.

I nodded, and took the slip of paper out of my bag. “It looks to be an intense year, but I’m sure I can handle anything after my AP class last year,” I laughed slightly as the memories of my sophomore year began to flood my mind.

I remembered feeling older, taller, and more confident during my sophomore year. I wasn’t in Junior high anymore. I was in the same league as the upper-classmen and was more accepted. The only remotely hard class was my AP World History and English class that were combined into one giant hell-hole, for lack of a better word. Sure, the teachers were nice and genuinely loved teaching, but the work load was intense. I remembered the many all-nighters I pulled and the ever-dreaded AP National Exam that I took at the end of the year. Ah, memories.

I looked at Celeste’s face, and saw an expression I knew too well. It was fear.

“I enrolled in the AP World History class,” She said half-heartedly. Her eyes fell and she looked as if she’d received a death sentence. I stifled a small laugh, knowing that if I managed to get an A in that class, she’d get an A+ immediately.

“Celeste, you’ll do fine! Don’t anticipate failure when you’re more than competent to do it,” I chuckled and shook my head. At that moment, Celeste’s mom walked into the room.

“Hey Tori,” She smiled warmly.

“Hey, Mrs. Hales,” I smiled back.

“You kiddos ready to go? I just rounded up the gang and they’re all headed out to the van.” We stood up and gathered our things. Excitement fluttered in my stomach as we marched out to the van and buckled in. It was a three hour trip to and from Nauvoo, but knowing the Hales family, it was going to be fun no matter what.

I paced my room, and waited for Kaylee to pick up the phone. I looked at the clock: one in the morning. Sure it was late, but not too late for Kaylee. She was bound to be up. Just as the phone rang for the third time and I was getting anxious, Kaylee answered the phone.

“Hello?” She asked, not really asking for identification. She knew it was me.

“Hey. Saw that you called.” I was tired, but my voice betrayed my exhaustion. It was strangely up beat and energetic.

“Yeah. I just needed to talk to someone. Its about me and Joseph…”

Just as I expected. I rolled my eyes and kept the irritation in my voice down to a bare minimum.

“What about you guys? I thought you were doing fine with him!” Joseph was the perfect guy for Kaylee. She needed an intelligent, funny, social, and talented guy, and that was everything that Joseph was. I didn’t understand where the conflict between them would come from, except maybe they were too perfect for each other, if that’s even possible.

“Its not mine and Joseph’s relationship. Its my relationship with-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Kay.” My eyes clamped shut at the thought of whose relationship. Surely not Nathaniel’s. I thought she was over that guy the minute her and Joseph hit if off at the end of Sophomore year! I knew that Kaylee was feeling ashamed. This topic was the source of all her self-pity and the source of all my disparagement and aggravation.

She sighed over the phone, and I sighed after her, mine more out of anger than mild grief. I tried talking sense into her.

“Kaylee. Joseph is everything you could ever want in a guy. Nathaniel isn’t. He may be you longest crush, but the fact that he completely ignored you after you told him you liked him tells me that he obviously is clueless and will never get a clue! Just accept him as a friend and move on.”

I refrained from saying the last part. I wasn’t that harsh. I knew too well how hard it was to get over a guy you’ve liked for so long. I experienced that my Freshman year over a guy I prefer to forget.

“I know he won’t, but I just can’t seem to stop liking him…” I bit my tongue, and tried my hardest to keep myself composed. I had heard enough. So I changed the subject.

“So I went to this awesome concert tonight. I got to see nine a capella singers that sang their renditions of modern songs. And get this…they were all single men!” I grinned and relived the past few hours in my mind.

“How old were they?” This was a common question Kaylee asked when I expressed an interest in a guy. I grinned sheepishly, knowing perfectly well that she couldn’t see me, but knew that she was seeing it in her mind.

“Early twenties…” I laughed slightly. For some reason, ever since my sophomore year, I’ve been interested in older guys. Not just one year older. I’m talking at least three years older. Eighteen, nineteen, twenty years and I even had a crush on a twenty-three year old. I could almost hear Kaylee shake her head.

“You’re just asking for trouble, Tor.” We both laughed, and continued talking early into the morning. It was three thirty before we decided to stop and call it a night.

As much as some aspects of Kaylee really bugged me, I realized that her friendship was something I could rely on. Something I could depend upon and know that I can turn to her at any time.

I hoped that that aspect of our relationship would never go away.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Be Patient

The worst part about being in my junior year is that the teachers never let up. So I'm constantly going to be buried in homework which means I can't spend time on the story. So be patient during these long times where I don't give any little bits and pieces or whole chapters. But I will try to update you all as much as possible. Just bear with me, kay?

Working on:
  • Chapter 2, of course
  • Developing supporting characters: Celeste, Joseph, Emerson
  • Filler in between key moments
  • The epilogue(I'm getting ahead of myself)
  • main conflicts
The next piece that you should be expecting is Chapter 2, which has a full outline, just isn't written into readable form yet. But, again, bear with me. I have a research paper due Thursday and ample other stuff to do. Friday, I should be able to get TONS of stuff done.

Anyways, just a reminder, you don't have to have an account to post comments. And please don't shy from doing so. I love hearing from EVERYONE!

Here's a little preview of Chapter 2, completely unedited and fresh out of my head:

I was very conscious of my body at that precise moment. This was it. My eyes were focused, intent, unwavering while my body was intense, tight, ready to spring. Sweat rolled off my neck and arms, creating tiny sensations all across my body, but this didn’t distract me. It was me and my target that lay across from me. I was poised and positioned.

Enjoy. :]

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Alright, so I've begun the process of writing actual chapters. No more random segments or scenes here and there...well, not at the moment anyways. I'm going to try and work chronologically, for you alls sake.

So chapter 1 is in the making. Its still being cut and edited because I'm a perfectionist and I'm having a hard time finding a way to make closure with the chapter. Anyways, so I'll give you a little taste of what I'm working on:

I felt like a rock. Not in a physical sense. I was more fragile than a snowflake when it came to my physical being. I was an emotional rock, a robot programmed not to frown, cry, furrow my brow in grief…nothing. It wasn’t because I didn’t feel emotions. On the contrary. I was feeling thousands of emotions at that moment. Shock, pain, grief, confusion, and above all amazement. I was amazed at how short life can be. I was amazed at how much my life was out of control at this very moment. But mostly, I was amazed at the girl sitting next to me, the expression on her face the exact same as the night she informed me of Olive’s death. It was smooth and blank, her eyes glazed over and her mouth in a perfect line. At this point, I felt that if she could keep this calm façade, that I could too.

This is the first paragraph...give me input, guys! I need critique so that I may improve.

Character description of Kaylee coming up soon!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Emerson and Tori

Before I give you a little piece of a chapter, I feel like I should give you Tori and Emerson's background. Emerson is a 20 year old attractive guy who doesn't really know what he wants, so he comes out to the Midwest searching for something to give him a hint at his future. He meets Tom Jackman, Tori's older brother, and finds someone who knows what he wants in life. Emerson is intrigued and eventually meets Tom's whole family, including Tori. They meet at a family picnic celebrating Tom's engagement to his long-time girlfriend Melanie. Tori is (of course) playing tennis at the nearby courts and Emerson notices her, neither of them knowing either's relation to Tom. Tori and Emerson end up flirting, as Tori looks older than her age and Emerson looks miraculously youthful. Of course, Tom comes over to join Tori in a game, and sees them harmlessly flirting and spills the beans that Tori is a high school student and Emerson is out of bounds. But the impact has been made and both find themselves unconsciously smitten with each other in more ways than romantically.
Anyways, this is one of their many interactions before they begin a life-long friendship later on. I like it because it's very close to my heart and is actually quite similar to an event in my life. I'll leave it at that ;).

In this piece, Tori and Emerson are at a dinner at Tori's house and Emerson came with a friend who is the unofficial mediator of the two of them.

The first thing I noticed about Emerson was the strange way he could draw everyone’s attention on himself without even trying hard. Even while his friend, what’s-his-name, was telling a supposed-funny story, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him, waiting for his reactions to the story. What was even more was that while I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes off of Emerson, he couldn’t get his eyes off of me.

Emerson was everything I wanted in a guy…at least on the outside. I went through my mental checklist just to make sure he fit the criteria: tall? Check. Brunette? Check. Great smile? Definitely check. Funny? Check plus. Older? Check…

The last item deflated my spirits a great deal. He wasn’t just older. He was old enough that at my current and unfortunate age, I’d be his one-way ticket to jail. Not only that, but he probably saw me as the annoying kid sister who gawked at his every move. I wouldn’t mind waiting a few years for him, but by then some chick would’ve seen what a great catch he was and would snag him from my pathetic grasps.

That was the worst part about my taste in men. I wanted mature guys, meaning anyone younger than eighteen was out of the picture. Being sixteen and a half years old meant to me that any of my peers were just too dumb and childish. While all my friends admired the guys in our grade, I was admiring all my brother’s friends and roommates, wishing I were as old as they were.

The laughter that busted around me took me out of my reverie, and I was the only one not laughing. Unfortunately my stab at a false laugh was a little too late, and I was the target of sympathetic looks and pathetic head shakes from most of the table. I winced inside my head, and didn’t dare look at Emerson, afraid to see the same look of pity on his face. I kept my face down during the rest of the meal, wishing it were over. I ate my food fast, not really tasting it, and was ashamed the whole time, wishing that my thoughts didn’t always mingle on Emerson. I had no idea why I let that one moment effect me the whole evening, but it did.

Once we were all standing and getting ready to leave, I knelt down to tie my shoe, which wasn’t really untied. That was when I painfully realized two things: my shoes didn’t have shoe laces, and Emerson was standing above me, watching me notice these two details. Slowly I stood up and pretended not to notice him. His eyes searched mine, and his mouth, thankfully, was in an innocent smile. He looked down at his shoes and then looked back at me.

“You know, you could smile once in a while. It doesn’t hurt. Trust me.” He suppressed a laugh and lightly punched my arm.

“Thanks.” I tried to come up with something witty, but my mind was blank. I smiled weakly, and his boyish grin grew wider. I couldn’t help but laugh. We stood there, laughing, for a while, until what’s-his-face came over and nudged Emerson on the arm.

“Hey, man. We gotta run. I’ll let you say good bye.” He winked at me, and turned around to acknowledge my brother and my brother’s girlfriend. Emerson looked at me and I looked back, wondering if he was thinking the same thing I was: how do I say goodbye? Do we hug? Shake hands? Nod at each other? I was at a loss. I decided that I was going to let him make the shots. He apparently made the same decision, because we stood there, awkwardly for a long thirty seconds. At the exact same time he seemed to be making the motion to hug me, I stuck out my hand, not sure if I was ready for the overwhelming emotions that would overcome me if he hugged me. He laughed awkwardly, and took my hand into his firm grasp, and shook it, perhaps a little too long. I didn’t mind, of course.

“I’ll see you around. It was nice having dinner with you,” I noted how he said with me, not with my family. It made my grin even broader.

“Anytime. See ya,” Our hands dropped to our side, and he turned around to leave with his friend.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


“He’s found out.”

Of all the words that I wanted to hear, those were the ones that were on the bottom of the list. Not for my sake, but for the sake of the speaker. If it was someone else who spoke the words for a different purpose, I probably wouldn’t have cared. I might have smiled or nodded or if I didn’t understand, I would’ve raised my brow in confusion. At this point, I wished that I was confused and didn’t know the full meaning of those three simple words. Alone, they were harmless and common. But together, in this context, it was high school suicide.

All I could do was look into the speaker’s eyes and only begin to comprehend the anguish she was feeling. But my understanding only lasted for a few seconds, because I then remembered the multiple times before that the speaker came to me with those very words, or similar to them. Not just one time before. Many. Each time I gave her the same exasperated sigh and a pat on the back, and this time was not going to be any different.

The speaker was my close friend, Kaylee Foster. And the “he” she is and will always be referring to is our good friend Nathaniel Blake.

[So, this is the preface to the story and thats as far as I've gotten in the story. I don't know where to start! Friends of mine, preferably Sara, I need your input!]

Here's the DL

Alright, folks. So as you all *hopefully* know, I have been playing around in my mind whether or not to actually write a story telling the tale of my high school life, but making it more fictional and not as auto-biographical as one might think. And I've decided...YES! It'll be very slow and rough to begin with since I'm not sure and solid on a few details, but the title of the story (thanks to my dad) is Colt 45.
[This is a Colt .45]

The story is in my POV, but not entirely about my life. It is actually about my friend's life and her struggles. I'm only the one bystanding it all and living her struggles as I live my own. So I liked the idea of calling myself a Peacemaker, since I'm sort of this mediator in her life while she goes through high school. I bounced the idea off of my dad, and he liked it. So at first the title was going to be "The Peacemaker", but then my dad said that there was a certain type of gun in the old west that was called the Peacemaker, and that was the Colt.45. It was referred to as the peacemaker because it made people do whatever the holder wanted, so if they wanted the scuffle to cease, all they had to do was pull out their Colt.45 and state their wishes, and they'd most likely be followed, because the colt.45 was not a gun to be messed with. Anyways, the title has nothing to do with a liquor called Colt 45! Just thought I should clear that up with all you boozers out there.

So, the title could change, but in the meantime I'll be referring to the story with the current title.

As to the story, here are the main characters at the moment:
-Kaylee Foster
-Victoria Jackman
-Nathan Blake

These are the ones I've written about at least. There are plenty of characters but I haven't had a need to use them yet. But I haven't written don't worry!

Thanks to all of you who will eventually be my inspiration(I hope...).


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