Sunday, November 25, 2007


Random writing. Check it out:

It wasn't until the next morning that the whole magnitude of what had happened between me and Kaylee finally hit me. So far, it had seemed like a really bad nightmare that I was waiting anxiously to wake up from. Of course, that never happened, and I only woke up from my temporary reality and entered into a reality that I wasn't ready to accept. It wasn't as if it was the end of the world. Just the destruction of a particularly important part of my world. The overall planet wasn't gone, but the continent of Europe was all but destroyed completely. This couldn't be happening.
And it was almost as if nothing was happening. The day was practically normal, except that she wasn't talking to me. I didn't blame her. I basically called her out on every single thing that perturbed me about her, including the ever so touchy subject of her relationship status. But I was fed up with being hurt constantly. I hated the feeling of being taken for granted and used. So I wasn't going to stand for it.
The day was a complete blur, filled with absolutely nothing to keep my mind off of things. I wanted to get out. After school, I ran to my car, got inside and drove to the park across the street from my house. I got out and ran to the lake and stood there, glaring out at it, trying to keep back the tears that fought ruthlessly to get out. Why was I fighting my feelings? No one was out there. I could scream if I wanted to. That sounded like a great idea. I opened my mouth, preparing to scream when I hear quiet footsteps approaching me. I really hoped it wasn't her. I didn't want to deal with her. I refrained from turning around, hoping it was some harmless passerby. But the footsteps stopped a few feet behind me. Again, I refrained from facing the person. I knew that a few tears had spilled down on my cheeks and I wanted the person to reveal who they were so that I could know if I had to wipe them clean or not.
"Hey, Tor..." It was the only voice that I knew could cheer me up. I quickly wiped my face and turned around to see Emerson, smiling sheepishly at me. I think he knew that I had been crying and felt embarrassed for finding me in such a state. But I didn't care. He was walking closer to me and there was no room for embarrassment. Thats all that I needed. More awkwardness. I gave a small wave and proceeded to wrap my arms tighter around my body, trying to control my emotions, that were encouraging me to fling myself at his strong body. He was strong, I was weak. Oh so weak. But I kept standing and turned around, watching Emerson through my peripheral. He stood next to me and looked out at the grey lake reflecting the sky above.
"I told her everything, Emerson." I said quietly, though I knew he could hear. I didn't look to see the expression on his face. I knew it was shocked. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him turn his head and move closer towards me. There was only a foot between our arms and I prayed that he'd stay put. I didn't want to seem even more weak, and I knew that if he dared come closer, I'd collapse. I sighed, and closed my eyes.
"What? What do you mean, everything? You didn't tell her--"
I cut him off. "When I say everything, I mean everything, Em." My voice was short, perturbed. I didn't want to relay everything I said. Not now. He knew the gist of it, and the gist was enough to get a reaction.
"Why? Tori, she's your best friend. You don't just say those kinds of things to your best friend." He argued, taking the tiniest of steps toward me. But I didn't care how close he was. I turned to face him, my eyes burning with anger.
"How would you feel if some guy decided to wedge their way between you and your best friend, huh? And your friend just goes and lets it happen just because she's head over heels for him? Suddenly, you're second at everything. No, third. She has a family and school. Those come second. You don't get anymore phone calls, hardly ever talk anymore, and hear of their adventures together. Do you think you could just keep it inside and let if fester until you explode?!" I took a shuddering breath and let it out in a large fog of steam. I looked and felt like a large teapot on the stove top. "No. I had to let it out. I had to let her know because I needed to know if she really valued our friendship." The word came out choked. Today, she really displayed how much she valued it. She could live without it while I had to deal with a large hole that had just been cut out of me.
"Tori..." Emerson whispered, and he pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't care anymore. He didn't care anymore. Everything was put aside. He saw his friend suffering and needed to comfort her. I would forever be grateful for the moment we were creating. I took advantage of our sudden carelessness and clung to him for dear life. A single tear squeezed its way out and onto his warm jacket, making the smallest of wet spots. He stroked my hair gently and tried to find something to say. I could tell by the small noises that emitted from his mouth and his frantic searching for words. At times, I wished he would say something, but for the most part, I was thankful for his silence. I didn't know if he was going to comfort me, argue with me, talk about something completely different, but words were not to be apart of that moment. It was entirely spiritual, nothing physical and tangible about it. It was two kindred spirits that had finally found each other and learned to cope with what they had.
After what felt like hours, we broke apart, and I stared into his sympathetic eyes. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets guiltily, as if he had just done something he shouldn't have. That was only partly true. "Now what?" I didn't know what context he meant that in. Was it our random bout of throwing the rule book out the window, or was it the situation I had managed to get myself into. I chose the latter, saving myself a very awkward conversation.
"Well...I wait. I made my move, now she needs to make hers. I am not going to let her wait it out, and hope it goes away. She needs to figure it out for herself." I stuffed my hands into my coat pockets and looked out at the lake again. Everything was still glumly grey.
"And if she doesn't?" He coaxed, moving to stand directly next to me, not bothering to keep our arms from brushing.
"Life goes on."

So. Thats it. It's not extremely good, and its completely cliche, but I needed to get it off my chest.

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